Currently Listening The Best of Simon & Garfunkel By Simon & Garfunkel see related

         Things are going okay. Things with Victor seem even better than they were to begin with in some ways. He seems . . . different - in a very very good way. .  I'm so glad I didn't lose him!  Sunday he came over and we made cookies :), and watched a movie and talked all day... I guess things are back the way they were now- the way I hope they will stay.  

          Other than his birthday, going to the beach, and football season, bon fires and maybe going hunting- oh yeah and thanksgiving!, there is really nothing to be excited about. I wish I was still going to Europe in a week! I am so excited about winter! I cant wait to snowboard! :( Fall Fest (a thing our school throws) is in a bout a week, so the seniors are responsible for that. Westgate! I'm so tired of people who dont have a life trying to ruin mine! For example, lastnight I went to sigma (thier youth group) and the youth pastor told people to stay away from me, and made them move when they were sitting by me b/c I was a "tempation" and he "loves them". I was just wearing modest jeans and a t-shirt, and this guy's never even met me so he knows nothing bad about me. Then one of my friends got in trouble for hugging Victor. That place is so.... weird. At school I hear so many things people say about me, who I've never even spoken to. Or destructive gossip / trash talking going around about other people. I can tollerate the rules, but I hate it how people there are so judegmental and always have to get in other ppls buisiness- even teachers. I think all of that just comes from living the sheltered lives a lot of them live. They dont get a lot of action, so I guess they just make some.

         Anyways, I got to go, but have a great day everyone! :) 

Currently Listening Issues By Korn see related

I just heard about this and I'm mad . . . DSS is messed up! The system is a piece of crap! People accept foster children so they can make money off of them. Then a lot of the children are mistreated, abused, or sexually abused. Recently this little child's foster parents locked him in a closet and went to a family reunion for the week. When they came back the baby was dead, so they burnt him, and said he had drowned in the lake at the reunion. How could you live with yourself! It makes me so mad hearing things like that b/c little kids are so innocent and they cant protect themselves.- That's why they have parents. - but when parents get on drugs, or go to jail, they're being so selfish and irresponsible because they're not protecting and providing for their children- which is their responsability. And what I hate is the crap about the "accident child". They "didnt mean to have children".Well, if you want to go around doing it, you better be prepared for the responsability of facing the consequences of those actions! That's basically what sex was designed for- making babys- duh!. Get yourself fixed if you dont want to have kids and give them a good home. People just do whatever they want and dont care how it effects anybody else! - But what about the little kids out there going through a living hell because their parents were so selfish and b/c higher people have put them in homes where people can hurt them and they cant do anything about it! That makes me so mad. What is crap is that most of our generation is growing up without parents or in disfunctional homes. So who's gonna be the example in their life that makes them different than their parents were? There are very few people worth looking up to in this world. Everything you do effects someone! I'm sorry- it sucks but your life isnt just about you. Everything you do effects others. Thank you parents and "adults" for the lovely foundation you've laid for our future! The cycle will only get worse and worse. Every child should be safe and provided for and loved! -But they arent. They're being hurt by the very people who should be protecting them! . . . Then people are judgemental of teenagers for being troublemakers, rebels, a menace to society! Well, what do you expect!

Currently Listening Sounds Of Summer - The Very Best Of The Beach Boys By The Beach Boys Wouldn't It Be Nice see related

We have to go to "bible camp" this week at school, so today was the first day. The games are retarded. - but its better than having school-school I guess... I had an ~awesome~ labor day with Victor! Things have been going great! With grades, family, me & Victor, friends, - well health is okay- but it could be wayyyy worse and I'm going to a doctor sometime soon. Anyways, things have been going really well. This afternoon is the exception. I'm a little ticked off. . .  

I dont know if anyone remembers but i said my dad decided I dont have to counsel with my counselor anymore by my choice. My dad told her how I feel, and she arranged to meet with me one "last" time. So today after my mom picked me up from school she took me to this lady's house...  She basically flipped everything around on me, in front of my mom, and used things I had supposedly said against me..... and then when I had nothing to say back, she tried to make me feel bad for "giving up on her". I'm so confused. I'm really not sure what to do. I want help, I want to change for the better, and I am willing to hear things that hurt if I need to- but I feel like things she's said, some of her viewpoints and her understanding of me is wrong- and she's pushing me and critisizing me too much in ways that arent necasarry at this pt. - I mean, I'm counseling with her to deal with the hard things in my past, and move on- not so she can criticize every tiny little thing I do or say. No, I'm not perfect yet- but I have bigger things to deal with right now than dumb things like nailpolish colors, how much make-up I wear, music I like, clothing styles, a movie I saw once- whatever! But the thing is when it comes down to it, she says ~prove biblically how I'm wrong~ and I dont know what to say. Whatever I do say she will twist around to be wrong anyways. . . She's very hard and intimadating, and I'm naturally very not outspoken and non-confrontational. I'm just so not sure what to do, and I dont know if I should be talking about this publically- but none of you know my counsellor- and it's really been bothering me. I dont know if I'm being too sensative, but I really feel like this is pulling me down more than it's helping me up(so what's the point?)- maybe thats my fault- idk (and we've been counselling for around 8 months). So, is that normal? I know no one can decide what to do but me... it's just something that is bothering me a lot.

Currently Listening Riot on an Empty Street By Kings of Convenience Homesick see related

I found this cd. Ever heard of the Kings of Concienience? I just found it a few days ago, but I'm addicted to it. It's very vocal and mostly acoustic quitar. I like it, anways. Listen to the first track, Homesick, and Sorry or Please. I've been replaying it for like, a week. Then again, I have pretty unique taste.

Things are going good. I've been grounded but that's finally over! It rained allll day, which was nice. I love when it rains, but it makes me kindof lonely and sleepy. I had a good day though. School's going good (except for spanish 2). Next week I have to go to school camp which is retarded! I just found out I wont be going to London, Paris and Scotland for the month of October anymore. My dad needed to go on buisiness, and the transaction or whatever was cancelled- so we wont be going. I am disapointed (who wouldnt be!?), but it's okay. I'll still make it over there eventually- hopefully. Other than that nothing really new is going on... Oh, I talked to my dad about my counsellor and he decided he wont make me counsel with her anymore- b/c she's pulling me down more than she's helping me up. I couldnt believe he really listened to me. Anyways, I'm really really happy about that! . . .I cant believe its already almost september! It's almost fall... For some reason in Algebra 2 I always start thinking about Pumpkin pies, and I dont even like Pumpkin pie... but I really have been wanting some. I cant wait till it chills down. I think I love when it's cold just because it's a good excuse to cuddle up, or wear big sweatshirts, or drink hot chocolate. . . Gosh, I'm soooo bad about sweet things. If I wounldnt get fat I'd probably eat cookie dough ice cream for breakfast and lunch and chocolate cake for super every day... I'm so naughty!

Oh, I just read this is on the news, and it's pretty funny. The U.S. Marines who are guarding Saddam Hussein in his prison cell during his trial for genocide have figured out the perfect way to torment him. They force him to watch repeated screenings of the hit movie, "South Park: Bigger, Longer and Uncut," (report The New York Post and The Press Association) The big joke on Saddam is that he is portrayed in the movie as Satan's gay lover where the two evildoers conceive a plot to take over the world. Word of the unusual punishment comes straight from "South Park" creators Trey Parker and Matt Stone, who said he is forced to watch it "repeatedly." lol. Anyways, I can just picture Saddam screaming "Nooooo, make it stop!" with that thick arabic accent.

Well, I have to go start an essay for lit. It's a comparative essay, but I dont know what to do it on. I'm blank. I thought of Superwoman vs. an average woman- but the only difference is she's stronger and has super huge breasts! . . . Maybe Beethoeven vs. Beatles, or Autocracy vs. Anarchy, or Democratic vs. Republican... drop me an idea if you post tonight. :) - This is random, but I saw this bumper sticker today that said "Man who stands on toilet is high on pot." I dont know if I'm just in a really weird mood, but I though it was funny. I'd never put bumperstickers on my car because I feel like they make cars look trashy.- unless it's like a Harley Davidson decal or something. . . I bet no one can picture this, but I want a Harley someday. I know everyone loves crotch rockets, but I like the look of Harleys. I like the steel and leather.They're prettier and they look more hard core. My own opinion.

I dont know why, but people say I'm preppy and girly. It's weird hearing that! I grew up like, one of the guys, and even after I one day woke up with a girl-y body, I still never really fit in with girls. I still get nervous around them sometimes. I was pretty much a tomboy. I think when I went to Bob Jones, that changed me a lot in some ways. I had to start crossing my legs, wearing dresses, being polite, etc... and after awhile I wanted to fit in so I tried to have manners and look nice. Going there for 2 years changed me a lot on the outside- (side note: that's the bad thing about Bob Jones! Everyone learns to look good on the outside but underneath that you dont really know who they are, until one day they get kicked out for gay activities in the dorm showers, or raping their dog, or something.) -so I guess that's my school and church side, but I never lost the other one. I still dont mind getting dirty. I love throwing a football, and shooting guns (I've been since I was 3). I always have this horrible urge to do something everytime I see a sign/ am told not to. I still can't turn down a dare. I was born and raised a country girl.- And the point is I'm NOT a PREP!

Oh yeah, I gotta write an essay so I better go! Talk to everybody later. :)

Have a GREAT night!

Currently Listening A Rush of Blood to the Head By Coldplay see related

           Hey! Everything's going fine. I just feel like writing! btw if anyone instant messages my holita109 screen name, it wont work- so I'm not ignoring you. Either aol or my computer is screwed up. Um, everything's going good so there's nothing really to talk about. We got insurance so now I can go to the doctor. I've been taking lots of pain killers so I really just dont feel anything. Victor thinks I'm going to die or something so I'm pretty much going just to make him feel better- even though it's NOT a big deal- probably just stress! I HATE doctors so much! . . .  I'm trying to get into the Institute of Children's Literature so I can start publishing.. we'll see how that goes... and lastnight I went to the first senior meeting at my school with Victor and my mom. My mom started bawling before they even started b/c it just dawned on her- I have to graduate someday. I didn't expect her to get so happy that she'd cry!. . . I cant wait for winter!!! I'm gonna do whatever II have to to get me to at least one snowboarding resort this year! I miss it so much! ...  I haven't gone for about 2 years and I used to be out there almost every day... but moving here- where we have about an inch of snow for one day a year- if you're lucky- kindof put a damper on things. It's like the only thing I've ever been remotely good at- except for pool! Still, I'm not even good- just okay! Someday, after I touch up, I'd like to go to Aspen or the Killimanjaro Mts. I have a friend who has a cabin there for the winter- he just snowboards and parties all winter... That would be awesome! Well, got to go, but I just wanted to write something since it's been awhile and I'm bored! . . Have an awesome day all:)